SMG 2011: Conan The Barbarian And Fright Night

Conan the Barbarian
3 = Combat Readiness Medal
Fright Night
3 = Combat Readiness Medal

If you’re in the mood for an 80’s remake double feature, you can’t do much worse than these two late summer entries:

After two feature films, countless imitators, and a lame TV series, Robert E. Howard’s “Conan the Barbarian” finally gets a proper reboot that dispenses with Schwarzenegger’s eye winking in favor of a straightforward fantasy that remains truer to the source material.

Former “Baywatch” actor Jason Momoa comfortably takes over the title role that Arnold made famous, which chronicles his violent life from birth (being literally cut from the womb) to an adult as he seeks to avenge the death of his father at the hands of Khalar Zym (Stephen Lang).

Along the way he’ll slaughter countless enemies, encounter supernatural creatures, and participate in at least one well lit sex scene.  Director Marcus Nispel (“Pathfinder”) mounts a handsome production, making nice use of locations, sets, and CGI artwork that enhances the world of Hyboria, unlike the original where the repetitive desert shots become bland after a while.

Supporting performances are about what you’d expect for this type of genre piece.  Lang is suitably evil, as is his witch daughter Rose McGowan (buried under four hours of makeup).  I suppose you’d have to be suitably evil when their relationship borders on incest.  Only Rachel Nichols as Conan’s eventual love interest Tamara seems out of place in the role, like she didn’t know what to do with herself amidst the carnage.

While nothing will replace the epic goofiness of the original films, Nispel’s “Conan” stands fine on its own.  Hopefully it will find an audience on DVD, having been shunned from the cinema in favor of less manly material like “The Help.”

Next up in the 80’s nostalgia department is director Craig Gillespie’s update of the 1985 classic “Fright Night,” which works more than it should due mainly to engaging performances amidst the now stale modern vampire premise writer/director Tom Holland poked fun of in the original incarnation.

Colin Farrell takes over Chris Sarandon’s role of Jerry Dandrige, the next door vampire to Charlie Brewster (Anton Yelchin).  The action moves to the outskirts of Las Vegas, where Jerry is slowly turning his fellow neighbors into vampires in an effort to sustain his own life in addition to replenishing his species that has managed to survive for the last 400 years.

Once Charlie comes to accept Jerry as one of the undead, he’s forced to enlist the help of Vegas illusionist Peter Vincent (“Doctor Who’s” David Tennant) in an effort to stop the carnage before he loses both his mother (Toni Collette) and hottie girlfriend (Imogen Poots).

If this redux is easier to swallow, it’s because of Farrell and Tennant in their respective roles as vampire and hunter.  No, they don’t hold a candle to Sarandon (who shows up here in a cameo) and the great Roddy McDowall as the former Peter Vincent, but they do make the most of the material screenwriter Marti Noxon (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”) gives them.

Farrell looks to be in his own movie most of the time, reeling in a potentially over the top performance in favor of darting eyes and facial tics.  He’s both uniquely odd and extremely dangerous at the same.  Tennant, on the other hand, incites his inner Russell Brand and dials his performance to an eleven, giving us a modern day spin on Peter Vincent, who’s still a coward, but now with more of a backstory and a hysterical addiction to Midori liqueur.

The only clunkers here are Toni Collette as Charlie’s mother and Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Evil Ed, both wasted in their respective roles.  Plasse never comes close to the over the top performance of previous Evil Ed Stephen Geoffreys, which is a shame because he remains one of the most memorable elements from the 1985 version.  Hearing “Oh, you’re so COOL, Brewster!” never gets old.

In lieu of any decent original summer films like the snoozefest of “Cowboys & Aliens” I’ll happily settle for a competent 80’s remake, or even a half assed one.  At the very least, it’ll inspire me to rescreen these original pieces of “legend” once again.

“Deeds, not words…”