SMG 2011: Thor

2 = Average Participation (No Citation Awarded)

The God of Thunder arrives in Marvel’s latest cinematic installment of their comic franchise leading up to next year’s “Avengers” team up, and while it’s not nearly as obnoxious as last summer’s “Iron Man 2,” it stills fails to be genuinely thrilling despite a solid cast.

“Thor” stars Australian hunk Chris Hemsworth as the title character, an arrogant Asgardian warrior who’s first in line to inherit the throne over his jealous brother Loki (Tom Hiddleston) when their father Odin (Anthony Hopkins) retires to take the equivalent of a centuries long nap.  Before then, however, Thor will spend his time inciting a war with the Frost Giants over a few stolen trinkets, the results of which force Odin to cast his son out of Asgard until he learns to be more humble in his actions.

After a belabored first act that’s buried in layers upon layers of CGI effects and over edited fight sequences, the story improves once Thor lands in the New Mexico desert to find himself stripped of his powers and in the company of Natalie Portman.  Cue Marvel’s favorite supporting actor Clark Gregg to enter the scene as Agent Coulson and find out what’s going on with Thor and his magical (and for the moment, unmovable) hammer.  

Veteran director Kenneth Branagh took the reins of this Marvel property, but save for a few key characters moments with Shakespearian overtones, the film was more or less directed by a committee that’s more interested in product placement and selling toys than it is telling a compelling story.  

“Thor” works best when there’s less happening on screen.  Chris Hemsworth does a marvelous job as the God of Thunder, completely inhabiting the boisterous role and making it his own with a wry sense of humor.  He knows how ridiculous he looks in Alexandra Byrne’s costume design (echoes of “Flash Gordon”), yet makes the most of it with an earnest performance.

The scenes between him and Anthony Hopkins are particularly effective, as are the ones with Hiddleston’s Loki.  He even performs well with Portman, America’s most overexposed actress.  She’s far less annoying this time around, but that’s probably because she found herself in a grossly underwritten role that allows her very little time to establish some credible chemistry with Hemsworth.  

Still, the Earth bound New Mexico scenes are far more entertaining than anything that happens in the realm of Asgard, or CGI city, as it’s better known.  I’m finding it increasingly harder to make any kind of emotional investment in films where seventy percent of the material is shot against a blue screen.  Sure it all looks pretty, but I’ve seen comparable stuff done in video games.  Who cares?

It doesn’t hold any weight, so when I watch Thor beat the hell out of the Rainbow Bridge to save another CGI world, it doesn’t mean anything to me because I know Hemsworth really isn’t there.  He’s on some cramped, sweaty soundstage beating the hell out of a blue colored foam block while surrounded by technicians who are smoking cigarettes and smirking at the irony of it all. 

On the contrary, when I saw the outstanding “Fast Five” the weekend before last (review HERE), I was blown away by the practically shot bank vault sequence that featured REAL cars performing REAL stunts with a REAL bank vault in tow.  It’s been a long time since I’ve sat on the edge of my theater seat.

“Thor” rambles on far longer than it needs to, leading us to another quasi open ending that serves only to propel us towards “The Avengers” film next year.  There’s an insanely short cameo by future Avenger Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), an even shorter one by Stan Lee (although still  humorous), and a completely baffling post credits scene with Sam Jackson that will only make sense to the unshowered, over forty male population still living with their parents in the basement.  

You say God of Thunder, I say Mild Rumblings with a Sprinkle of Rain.

“Deeds, not words…”