Frontal Assault Friday 2/18: Four Big Unknown Mommas

Apparently there weren't enough tweens and pedophiles with Bieber fever this past weekend, as the embarrassingly bad Adam Sandler comedy "Just Go With It" edged out the concert flick "Never Say Never" to claim the top spot at the box office.  Who knew there were still as many Sandler fans out there?

This weekend we serve up a trifecta of crud that will be sure to have you upchucking your Valentine's candy and wishing you were masturbating to an underage singer in another theater.  Onward...

John (Alex Pettyfer) is an extraordinary teen making his true identity and passing as an average high school student to elude a deadly enemy.

Somehow I seemed to have missed "I Am" numbers one to three, but this looks to be yet another generic special effects driven action vehicle, this time in the hands of the man who directed "Disturbia."  Yawn.

Perhaps a better title would have been: "I Am Taking A Number Two."

A man (Liam Neeson) awakens from a coma to discover someone has stolen his identity and (not surprisingly) no one believes him.

Those of you who loved Neeson's "Taken" a while back can pretty much expect more of the same here.  Lots of frantic running and killing, served up with that patented constipated sounding voice of his.

Someone needs a cinematic enema!

Do I really need to even bother writing up a blurb for this train wreck?  I didn't think so.

I find it amazing that a once talented comedian/actor like Martin Lawrence would choose a third embarrassment like this over taking the gas pipe.  

However, the German trailer below makes this film looks hysterically funny.  Perhaps you're best off seeing it in another country.

 

Begin the assault!

"Deeds, not words..."