Frontal Assault Friday 1/21:No Strings Company Men On The Way Back

Despite the abundance of negative reviews, "The Green Hornet" still managed to snag the top spot at the box office over the holiday weekend, no doubt due to the jacked up 3D ticket price and not because the film is any damn good.  

I know there might be some confusion of quality because Michael Gondry directed, and it's about a rich, costumed crimefighter (ala Batman), so let me break it down for you with this simple equation:

Seth Rogan = Dumpy Loser

This weekend's mid January quest items don't offer much hope for the rest of the month in the theaters, so it might be a good time to catch up on your Redbox releases.  Onward...

Natalie Portman promptly erases your memory of her brilliant performance in "Black Swan" with this off the shelf rom com of two people who try to keep their relationship strictly physical, only to find out they want something more.  Duh.

What's more insulting here: having to watch Ashton Kutcher's minimal acting skills, or the fact that this was directed by the same guy who made "Ghostbusters?"  Yes, "Ghostbusters."  

Crap like this is what happens when you outlive your legacy.  Hopefully we'll get to see some nude shots of Portman, but I doubt it.

This story centers on the year in the life of three men trying to survive a round of corporate downsizing at a major company and how it affects their lives.  No doubt they will all end up folding burritos at Taco Bell.

This one falls into the little-too-close-to-home category, written and directed by former "E.R" creator John Wells.  If you're already out of work and looking to be depressed even further, cash your unemployment check and head out to your local cinema.  

Don't worry, it's not in 3D, so you'll save some money in which to feed your kids.

According to the IMDB: Siberian gulag escapees walk 4000 miles overland to freedom in India.

According to Ace Hunter: WHO CARES???

Oh, wait.  Colin Farrell is in it, and he's HOT!  And that funny named chick from "The Lovely Bones."  Also some old dude who was in an underwater flick.

Are you on your way to the theater yet?  Yeah, didn't think so.



Begin the assault!

"Deeds, not words..."