The 12 Days Of Cinema: Gremlins (1984)

4 Silver Bells

"Gremlins" is not your typical holiday film.  However, (for the most part) if you've come to this series of posts expecting typical holiday films, you've been coming to the wrong place.

What is it about this particular film that earns it a place in my holiday favorites list?  Unlike slasher films like Bob Clark's excellent "Black Christmas" or the "Silent Night, Deadly Night" series, this is an accessible holiday horror film.  Yes, that's right...I called "Gremlins" a horror film.



This (along with "Indiana Jones & The Temple of Doom") is one of the two films that had a major impact on the MPAA's decision to re-vamp their system and introduce the PG-13 rating.  I specifically recall being taken to this in the theater when I was ten years old.  Upon arrival at the theater, there was a sign in the box office window that gave my mother a slight pause.

"Although rated PG, "Gremlins" contains scenes that may be too frightening for children.  Please take this into consideration when purchasing your tickets."

Luckily, mom knew me well enough to know that this wouldn't be a problem, so into the theater we went.  I would, then, have one of my favorite experiences in a movie theater.  Scary, funny, and right up my alley; this, along with "Ghostbusters" would set the bar for my favorite type of scary movie...the horror-comedy.

Interestingly enough, not only was "Gremlins" released the same day as "Ghostbusters," it was also released in the middle of the summer...not at Christmas, as its setting would imply.  This added to the non-traditional charm of the film.

Where the film gets its holiday vibe, lies both in its setting and premise.  Inventor Rand Peltzer (Hoyt Axton), who travels endlessly in vain attempts to sell his inventions, happens upon an unusual pet that he purchases as a Christmas gift for his teenage son.  This sets the stage for some of the best holiday mayhem you are likely to ever see.

The gift that Rand buys for his son, Billy (Zach Galligan), is a Mogwai.  These are creatures that must be cared for under very specific conditions.  So specific are these conditions, that if three rules are not followed explicitly, all hell breaks loose.  

Rule Number 1: Never get him wet.
Rule Number 2: Keep him away from bright lights, he hates bright lights, especially sunlight which will kill him
Rule Number 3: No matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs...NEVER, EVER feed him after midnight.

Rules number one and two are fairly straightforward enough (so it seems), but it is the third rule that sends the entire small town of Kingston Falls into a four-alarm holiday emergency.

The wise old (stereotypical) Chinese man (Keye Luke) that Rand attempts to buy the Mogwai from, proves wiser than his grandson knows.  The grandson sells the creature to him against his grandfather's specific orders.  It turns out that the family is broke and desperately needs money, so the deal is cut in the alley outside.  This sends the Mogwai home with Rand.

Cute as a button and ultimately smart as a whip, the Mogwai immediately wins over Billy's heart.  Naming him Gizmo (after his father's profession), the pair become inseparable.  However, the story must advance, so rule number quickly two gets broken.  This results in a multiplication of the Mogwai in their cute form.  Fair enough, until an evil leader emerges, named Stripe who is hell bent on being all the evil he can be; tricking Billy into giving them food after midnight (of which Gizmo wisely will not partake).  We then witness the creation of the gremlins of the film's title.

From there, it is a roller-coaster into Christmas hell as the malicious gremlins try to take over the town and kill its residents.  Plenty of attempted murders of parents, neighbors, girlfriends and even the dog ensue.  In one particularly inspired scene, the evil old woman (Polly Holliday, best known as Flo from TV's "Alice") who controls the town bank has her stair chair lift rewired by the creatures.  This sends her screaming to the top of the staircase and the chair flying out of an upstairs window.

In the middle of the chaos, Phoebe Cates (Billy's super hot girlfriend, Linda) gets to give an extremely emotional monologue (unfortunately, she's not exiting a pool and stripping off her bikini top this time) regarding the fate of her father on Christmas Eve (and how she learned the truth about jolly old St. Nick).  Parents, unless you're ready to have a long discussion about why you've lied to your children for years on end (and what else in their childhood is all a lie), I would be ready to chapter skip forward at this scene.  However, if you have yet to have this discussion...what the hell are you showing this film to your child for anyway?  In this case, you probably deserve the discussion that follows.

We get chases through the town, gremlins taking over a bar and beginning to show their own personalities (a personal favorite being the gremlin who becomes a flasher...complete with miniature trenchcoat), and a sequence taking place inside a movie theater.  That theater sequence has become the film's best known scenes.  It involves a theater full of the nasty creatures watching a re-release print of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs."  As they watch, the entire theater of gremlins (by the way, a phenomenal technical feat unto itself that creature designer Chris Walas should forever be commended for) begins to sing along with that movie's signature song "Heigh-Ho."  Which prompts my favorite dialogue exchange of the entire film...

Linda: "What are they doing?"
Billy: "They're watching Snow White...and they love it."

Of course, all of the action and horrific near deaths are done with the signature tongue-in-cheekiness that director Joe Dante been known for.  Dante brings not only his Roger Corman protege sensibilities, but also all of his trademarks, such as his legendary good luck charm... Dick Miller as the neighbor, Murray Futterman.  Miller gets to have fun in every scene that he is in by bemoaning the death of American manufacturing ("Goddamn foreign cars," is a frequently uttered running joke).  Who knew that Dick Miller would foretell the incidents with Toyotas twenty five years prior?

The climactic showdown occurs in a, closed for the evening, Montgomery Ward store.  Here, the battle involves a baseball bat, chainsaw, Barbie Corvette, garden fountain and a crossbow (?!?!).  This finale has to be seen to be believed, and should be a part of every Film Warrior's repertoire of favorite action scenes.

All of this adds together to equal a great non-traditional holiday film.  Once you've had your fill of "A Christmas Story" and "It's A Wonderful Life" on seemingly endless repeat until you're ready to vomit Zuzu's petals, throw in something that is sure to liven up the dull proceedings.  At the very least, it will spark some discussions and arguments about why Aunt Edna can't have control of the TV for the entire week.

"Lesson Number Three. Always Trust Centauri."